This note is going to be very small. Here is what I have learned this past week that I want to enter into today’s Happy/Healthy log. Eating things that I am not supposed to (wheat & dairy) is not worth it. I have gained back 5 lbs in the last week and I am truly disappointed in myself for letting it get out of hand. I don’t know which is worse, working so hard and letting it all go just to gain 5 lbs back or how I feel “blech” both physically and mentally.
Here is my fear— that I won’t be able to get back on the wagon. There. I said it.
Its not important which day I am on, really. It’s important I recognize my feelings and put them down somewhere.
Confession time: i have eaten poorly for 1 week now. 1 week + 2 days. And I am reaping the negativeness. (I was going to say “benefits” but that didn’t sound correct).
My weakness is when I mill my wheat for bread/cookies/pancakes/muffins. I want so much to be able to eat this wholesome food that it drives me crazy. I am not in the camp that believes wheat is bad. I believe our poor diets have caused havoc on our gut which in turn has made things go crazy for us. I do not believe making homemade bread from scratch is bad in general. It’s bad for ME and my Hashimoto’s because of the science of the disease.
What happens when I eat wheat? I feel like I am catching a cold. Or coming down with a sinus infection. I get itchy. The back of my throat feels scratchy. I start to feel tired. And my head aches. Same goes with dairy. So what happens is I get in this “I don’t give poo” (that is so not what I really say) and I just start to eat more and more of things I shouldn’t eat. I eat them until I get made at myself for eating them. ThenI put them away out of guilt and shame and vow to re-start. Then later, I figure “oh, I’ve already messed up this day so I might as well start tomorrow.” And then the next day, I will start off with a bang and then when I don’t find the food that I can have (because I have not stocked up properly) I start my pity party cycle all over again.
Then I search for recipes online or through my books. I see all the other successful people who have been so good on their AIP lifestyle change and are happy and I just want to eat them!
Is there a support group out there? Or am I totally the only one that deals with this. It’s like I am “one month on and one month off” with good eating. It’s crazy.
Today my children were baptized! Something they chose to do on their own as a statement of faith – believing in Jesus their Savior 🙂 Such a wonderful day and time to celebrate with family and friends. What I loved most was seeing the response of family and friends as they gathered around to pray over them. What a great cloud of witnesses 🙂
It’s true. Without Vision, people perish. Trying to keep up with a blog about what makes me happy/ what healthy things am I doing/working toward has pointed me in a good direction, but I still get off track. I have no vision.
I was starting to get disappointed in myself for testing certain foods and failing. Ex: The slice of pizza from last week. I knew that would not end up well for me physically. But mentally, I knew that is exactly what I needed. And I tested milk chocolate. Both reactions were headache, sinus like symptoms… as if I were coming down with a cold. But then the next day, I kept up with testing things I knew were bad. Cookies. Though I didn’t really have a reaction to them, I just felt like I needed to stop eating them because they are on the overall “NO NO” list. The wheat ones, that is.
I have discovered that if I do not keep the right foods on hand to eat, then I just back slide. And then I feel worse about myself. Especially when my friends starting trying to eat healthy and are making great strides. The whole I have dug, I keep digging,
And then I remembered that I can start all over. I just need to plan what I eat and stick with the plan. I need to have healthier options of food on hand for the times when I get crazy and will want to back slide.
My goal is to get back on track. That’s my happy/healthy day 🙂
How easy it is to get off track again. Off track of blogging and eating. But in my defense, I will explain. The Happy/Healthy approach over day 6 & 7 may have been a little “unorthodox” I guess I’d say. (Though I don’t actually ever use that word). Thursday we made a dessert. And I tried the dessert. And I got a headache and the back of my throat ached almost like it was scratchy as in coming down with a cold. I tried the dessert because I wanted to see what would happen. Same with day 7 when I ordered our favorite pizza. I kept thinking about the pizza and wanted to try it. So I did. Same result. But instead of getting all mad at myself and throwing out the “failure” card, I decided what I did was a good thing. For my mental health. See, before I ate the pizza and the dessert, I calmly told myself that I could have it. Because I could. And to borrow one of my favorite expressions “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”
See, I wanted to see what would happen. I wanted to know just how good I was feeling. So I compared it to something bad. It was like a peace of mind …. knowing that overall I am on the right track and making the right decisions. I just needed to know for myself. Not because someone else told me. I wanted to live it for myself. And it was a relatively safe experiment. It wasn’t like I was trying to see if running into the street during rush hour was a good idea. To see if I really could make it across.
I am glad I did it. Because I realize, it is not worth it to eat that on a regular basis. Will I do it again? With the pizza, that is? Probably. In another 3 months or so. Because I want to “live a little” in a safe way. Maybe my gut will heal a little better by then and I won’t have the same reaction. OR maybe I will just realize that even that one time with the pizza is not even worth it. Either way, it’s a win/win to me. Mental happy/healthy is important too.
I’ve decided to focus on the things I have done “right” in the day. Instead of ways I have messed up. Usually I wear the mess ups like a cloak of ashes over me as in mourning. But no more. The healthy way to approach it would be to encourage myself in what I did that was positive. The “win.” Sure, I can acknowledge the way I didn’t handle the day correctly- for like a minute so that I learn to move on from that and turn it around.
Instead of asking “why didn’t I spend more time with my kids” or “why didn’t I accomplish any of my chores yesterday?” I am going to reflect on the time I did spend with my kids and ask “how can I improve on that for tomorrow? What new game can I play with them? What is their style of play?” And as for chores, I just look at my list and pick a few and ask for help.
Happy/Healthy nugget for today: Remind yourself that you are trying. You are working at gaining control of your life. One step at a time.
You know, now that I think about it… 21 days of happy doesn’t need to be consecutive. I could have just picked up where I left off! But there is something about 21 and habit forming, right?
So yesterday’s Happy/Healthy was starting to listen to Andy Stanley’s sermon from 8/16 on What Makes You Happy.
It’s worth a “stop reading this and go there now”.
I won’t lie to you. Sometimes I feel stressed to figure out “what makes me happy.” I am afraid I will miss it. Weird, I know. But lately, I have been battling with “how much time do I need to spend with my kids so that they have a happy/healthy childhood.” And sometimes I get focused on “how can I make it through the day in one piece.”
What I am realize that makes me happy is getting in front of God every morning and asking him to plan my day and help me stay in his will. I don’t want to get out of his plan. I know I do. I get it wrong. A lot. But thankfully the Holy Spirit nudges me to get “back in the game.”
I think I have mentioned Proverbs 31 ministries and my daily email prods I get to read a little 5 minute encouraging blog. Today’s post is called How to Live a Satisfied Life by
SARAH MAE and it totally struck me. She writes: ” Every day I get the opportunity to start new. Every day I can begin again. Maybe I missed it yesterday. Maybe I got too busy or I got sucked into Facebook, or I just didn’t want to play with my kids. Those are the moments that keep me up at night. Those are the moments I need God’s grace to cover me so I can start over. I need His help every day.”
Take yesterday, for example. I prayed on my way to pick up the kids that the Lord would give me energy and grace to pick them up and “be” with them. We had a little car conversation. Rylynn needed to go potty REALLY BAD so we conveniently stopped at Dunkin Donuts. Had a nice little chat. They were very talkative and happy. I let them plan how the order of phone time and homework went because I knew there wasn’t a lot and I want them to learn how to make choices within safe boundaries. So they opted – of course- for phone time first. I was a little glad because I wanted to just wind down with some decaf and mindless Pinterest or a book or whatever. So we did homework and played for a moment out in the rain. Then it was time to make dinner. And they played happily. But there was a longing inside of me that wanted to play more. But I had run out of time – according to my schedule. Then my husband comes home and takes them one by one on a little car ride to talk about their day. And there was a little jealousy in me of “he’s the better parent today.” And most days because he thinks of things like tickle games and chase to play with them. And yes, I realize that while I want him to be that kind of involved dad, there is a little jealousy. Do I feel challenged? Is this a “game?” Is there a formula like “X amount of time daily with kids = healthy/happy kids” and that somehow translates to a “well done my good and faithful servant- you were a great parent” award?
I think in that last paragraph lies one of my deep rooted “what makes me happy.” Being a parent who connects with her children. I want the relationship with them when they are older. Which means that there needs to be a healthy dose of investment now. I get it. That’s my priority. Help me Jesus to get filled daily with you. Help me to be the kind of parent You have designed me to be. Help me not to worry that I will mess up. But rather, help me not to worry when I mess up. Help me to take it to you.
What makes YOU happy?
Find it and go get your happy on!
That stands for “Happy/Healthy Do Over Day Two”.
And if you notice, it is not posted chronologically with day 1. Doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is that I enter it. 😉
I started thinking about what energizes my day and wanted to post it. I look forward to starting my day off reading from Proverbs 31 Ministries. Great way to start the day!
Day beginners: Continue reading “HHDOD 3”
This whole summer I have been struggling with filling up my week with hours at work. Because I am focused on the paycheck and meeting my commitment to my employer. Oops, that last part should come first, right?! However it never fails that the end of the school year brings stress wondering how I am going to meet the needs of my job and my kids.
After making it through the summer and now thinking that the school year will bring back my routine, I realize there is still a struggle. I am needed more at school – which is what I want- but also, I am needed more at home. Literally. It is such a mess I can’t stand it. And there are some projects that really need my attention that I need to do when the kids are at school. It’s like this stress cycle.
The wonderful thing is that my husband offers to help. And he does help. I shared with him awhile back (which was a huge feat in itself) my stress/struggle and he said he would help with what needs to be done. He is also motivated to help me so that I don’t crash and burn and I get my hours in at work too.
This week was the first full week back at school and I had my plan to be at work and meet my hours. And then I forgot Rylynn’s lunch. So I had to go back home and get it. Why didn’t I just give money for a school lunch? I processed that and came up with it would be better for me to go home. But now I realize, I should have just paid the money for a school lunch and ran to Publix for the snack. The upside is that I can now put that in my bank of “things to do when you forget your kids lunch”. Next time I won’t have to think “should I go home and get it?” The answer will be – do what is less stressful.
This is so not where I was going today … I wanted to write about how instead of focusing on what goes wrong in a day, I want to focus on what goes right. Instead of focusing on the things the kids do that irritate me, I am going to focus on did I spend time with them and make them laugh? What things did we do together today?
So as I pick back up with my Happy/Healthy, I will say this:
my happy: finding times in the day to laugh and play
my healthy: focusing on those above times
yep, that will do for now 🙂
So again..starting this Happy Healthy over and I believe that the 3rd time is a charm!
Yesterday was such a surprisingly awesome day! Kayle, Rylynn and I went to the church picnic at the lake. When it was our turn for the boat ride, Kayle decided he wanted to go tubing- much to my surprise. But I was feeling a little fearful. Not wanting to project my fear onto him, I let him try it. It made me feel better to have another adult go with him. Tubing and I just don’t do well. And I wasn’t dressed for a swim. Needless to say, Kayle had a great time and wanted to even go again..which he did… and so did Rylynn. It was a big moment for me to let go of my “momma control/fear.” But it felt good. And to see them having such a good time made me swell with pride 🙂
Happy/Healthy = Raising Happy, Healthy , Whole children