At times, I almost can’t take it. An overwhelmed feeling that something bigger than myself is about to happen to me and I can’t even take it. Such great anticipation. My facial expressions shift from puzzlement to excitement to fear and then circles back. What I am talking about is the season of life I am in. For example, we are homeschooling for the first time, so with that, comes lots of planning. And reading. And internet searching, printing, highlighting and hole punching. Two kids in two different grade levels for a homeschooling newbie often enlists an initial response of deer-in-headlights. Fear of “messing up my kids and making them stupid” rolls across my head like digital message boards. Continue reading “Overwhelmed and loving it!”
About a year ago this idea came to me: “If I had a week – 7 days- and I could incorporate a different job each day, what would my week look like?” Wouldn’t this be fun to ask others as sort of a jumping off point to see what’s in their hearts?
Think about that. I can safely rule out Astronaut because I get big time motion sickness over little things these days. Gone are the days of a tight equilibrium. I think equilibrium changes much like the bladder after pregnancy. (Jumping on a trampline is different now—but whatever. Not the point).
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand: Take my “dream week,” for example… Continue reading “What I want to be when I grow up – A week in the life of my dreams”
You know what thought occurred to me while I was cleaning up the kitchen just now? The thought that I should pretend I am a high volume blogger with actual readers. Why? Well, why not?! I mean, I kinda got excited about my little pretend game. “Why not pretend that I actually have a blog that people read. Why not pretend that my site makes people happy and give them a little ray of hope for their day. A laugh. A nugget of truth.”
It’s part of my learning how to dream. My husband will tell you that I have a hard time with this. A hard time with hypothetical I am so focused on the reality. For example, when he gets it in his head “we should rent a cabin” and he is kinda brainstorming and just throwing it out there for a fun ‘what if’ kind of scenario. And then I squash it (really not intentional— it’s just a gift I have) with my reality comment of “oh but we did’t budget that out.” Or some other token phrase of mine.
What is the “dream big” concept that you speak of? What should I dream of?
In the current book I am reading Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson, he is talking about the Holy Spirit as the “Wild Goose” and following him is kinda like a wild goose chase (spoiler alert!- kidding). And sometimes we just gotta step out in faith on things. There is a time to pray and there is a time to act in response to how you feel the Holy Spirit is leading you.
Something else I read recently left me with the take away that when you dream, it kind of helps the mind get used to the idea. So that when something awesome happens in your life like what you dreamed, you mind sees it as normal. Anyhow, this is what I am learning now. I am acting like I really am an organized person. I am really acting like I am a blogger… acting. …trying it out.
What makes you happy? What makes you want to keep going? Sometimes it is hard to sit down and be still for the answers. But no more fear. I want to hear from God what really is my passion.
Lead on Goose!
Let’s see if I can finish this post before my tea steeps 🙂
No, I am not a big tea drinker, but I want to be. I have decided to quit coffee again. Yes, again. I really want to give this AIP diet the “ol’ college try” – a phrase a friend recently said in regards to trying his own kind of diet to heal his leaky gut. My biggest weakness is my homemade bread- from my freshly milled bread from my wheat I buy at Breadbeckers. Or anything I make home made using my milled wheat. I am NOT against wheat or gluten if you do not have an autoimmune disease. I have seen the powers of transitioning from store bought to milled in my own son’s life.
But this isn’t about wheat. Nor is it about tea, really. It’s about time. And using it wisely. I emptied the dishwasher and now finished this post. All in the time it takes to steep some tea. Done!
Now I have just given up on consecutive posts for HH. This past month has been one for “give ups” and while I am not proud of the way I have handled fooding (?) and blogging, I am a realist. I am going to just acknowledge that when I get stuck and feel trapped, my first thought is to just take the easy road and move on. And eventually I will come to a point in my life where I am ready to start over.
I am at that point. See, my disorganization has flooded over into every area of my life. My office space is cluttered with papers, and life. My menu planning has been just “whatever I can think of last minute” and I am forgetting to send school papers in. The negative thinking spiral is fast approaching. But I am going to regroup. What has gone well? Continue reading “Happy Healthy Day 12”
Its not important which day I am on, really. It’s important I recognize my feelings and put them down somewhere.
Confession time: i have eaten poorly for 1 week now. 1 week + 2 days. And I am reaping the negativeness. (I was going to say “benefits” but that didn’t sound correct).
My weakness is when I mill my wheat for bread/cookies/pancakes/muffins. I want so much to be able to eat this wholesome food that it drives me crazy. I am not in the camp that believes wheat is bad. I believe our poor diets have caused havoc on our gut which in turn has made things go crazy for us. I do not believe making homemade bread from scratch is bad in general. It’s bad for ME and my Hashimoto’s because of the science of the disease.
What happens when I eat wheat? I feel like I am catching a cold. Or coming down with a sinus infection. I get itchy. The back of my throat feels scratchy. I start to feel tired. And my head aches. Same goes with dairy. So what happens is I get in this “I don’t give poo” (that is so not what I really say) and I just start to eat more and more of things I shouldn’t eat. I eat them until I get made at myself for eating them. ThenI put them away out of guilt and shame and vow to re-start. Then later, I figure “oh, I’ve already messed up this day so I might as well start tomorrow.” And then the next day, I will start off with a bang and then when I don’t find the food that I can have (because I have not stocked up properly) I start my pity party cycle all over again.
Then I search for recipes online or through my books. I see all the other successful people who have been so good on their AIP lifestyle change and are happy and I just want to eat them!
Is there a support group out there? Or am I totally the only one that deals with this. It’s like I am “one month on and one month off” with good eating. It’s crazy.
Today my children were baptized! Something they chose to do on their own as a statement of faith – believing in Jesus their Savior 🙂 Such a wonderful day and time to celebrate with family and friends. What I loved most was seeing the response of family and friends as they gathered around to pray over them. What a great cloud of witnesses 🙂
It’s true. Without Vision, people perish. Trying to keep up with a blog about what makes me happy/ what healthy things am I doing/working toward has pointed me in a good direction, but I still get off track. I have no vision.
I was starting to get disappointed in myself for testing certain foods and failing. Ex: The slice of pizza from last week. I knew that would not end up well for me physically. But mentally, I knew that is exactly what I needed. And I tested milk chocolate. Both reactions were headache, sinus like symptoms… as if I were coming down with a cold. But then the next day, I kept up with testing things I knew were bad. Cookies. Though I didn’t really have a reaction to them, I just felt like I needed to stop eating them because they are on the overall “NO NO” list. The wheat ones, that is.
I have discovered that if I do not keep the right foods on hand to eat, then I just back slide. And then I feel worse about myself. Especially when my friends starting trying to eat healthy and are making great strides. The whole I have dug, I keep digging,
And then I remembered that I can start all over. I just need to plan what I eat and stick with the plan. I need to have healthier options of food on hand for the times when I get crazy and will want to back slide.
My goal is to get back on track. That’s my happy/healthy day 🙂
How easy it is to get off track again. Off track of blogging and eating. But in my defense, I will explain. The Happy/Healthy approach over day 6 & 7 may have been a little “unorthodox” I guess I’d say. (Though I don’t actually ever use that word). Thursday we made a dessert. And I tried the dessert. And I got a headache and the back of my throat ached almost like it was scratchy as in coming down with a cold. I tried the dessert because I wanted to see what would happen. Same with day 7 when I ordered our favorite pizza. I kept thinking about the pizza and wanted to try it. So I did. Same result. But instead of getting all mad at myself and throwing out the “failure” card, I decided what I did was a good thing. For my mental health. See, before I ate the pizza and the dessert, I calmly told myself that I could have it. Because I could. And to borrow one of my favorite expressions “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”
See, I wanted to see what would happen. I wanted to know just how good I was feeling. So I compared it to something bad. It was like a peace of mind …. knowing that overall I am on the right track and making the right decisions. I just needed to know for myself. Not because someone else told me. I wanted to live it for myself. And it was a relatively safe experiment. It wasn’t like I was trying to see if running into the street during rush hour was a good idea. To see if I really could make it across.
I am glad I did it. Because I realize, it is not worth it to eat that on a regular basis. Will I do it again? With the pizza, that is? Probably. In another 3 months or so. Because I want to “live a little” in a safe way. Maybe my gut will heal a little better by then and I won’t have the same reaction. OR maybe I will just realize that even that one time with the pizza is not even worth it. Either way, it’s a win/win to me. Mental happy/healthy is important too.
I’ve decided to focus on the things I have done “right” in the day. Instead of ways I have messed up. Usually I wear the mess ups like a cloak of ashes over me as in mourning. But no more. The healthy way to approach it would be to encourage myself in what I did that was positive. The “win.” Sure, I can acknowledge the way I didn’t handle the day correctly- for like a minute so that I learn to move on from that and turn it around.
Instead of asking “why didn’t I spend more time with my kids” or “why didn’t I accomplish any of my chores yesterday?” I am going to reflect on the time I did spend with my kids and ask “how can I improve on that for tomorrow? What new game can I play with them? What is their style of play?” And as for chores, I just look at my list and pick a few and ask for help.
Happy/Healthy nugget for today: Remind yourself that you are trying. You are working at gaining control of your life. One step at a time.