My brain thinks faster than I physically write. And faster than my fingers can type. Both are frustrating. I feel like I slow myself down in both areas. One, I can’t keep up and then forget what it is I was tryint to say. The other is .. for example, the typo I just left behind ON PURPOSE to demonstrate the 2nd part. Thinking faster than fingers can correct. And faster than autocorrect can figure out
Anyhow… ever since I have been reading the book Loving my actual life: An experiment in relishing what’s in front of me by Alexandra Kuykendall I see almost everything I do as one of those experiments.
Brilliantly worded, enjoyable to read, honest, laughable, totally encouraging and makes my day are all phrases I would use to describe this book. This book was something I was on the verge of experiencing myself — only I didn’t realize it until I stumbled upon said book.
The whole book is actually helping me face a fear I didn’t even realize I had. The fear of connecting with people. Silly, I know. But, my fear lies more with commitment. And making a schedule with people more than it does actual people. See, I like people. Most days. Unless I begrudgingly have to go to Walmart or on Facebook. Then I don’t really care much for people. Or the way they express themselves, really. But that is another area of discussion. I know that I will just have to be ok with whomever reads this thinking “just who does she think she is?”
Anyhow, my point is actually about fear. My fear of commitment.
What if something falls through with the plan?
How much time is involved and is it how I want to spend my time?
Does this ring a bell with anyone else?
So in one of the months, she talks about making time for her family and close friends. Being Purposeful to schedule time with others and to enjoy them (and that time).
Today at church was one of those days where I actually went out of my way to talk to people and try to throw out the idea to meet with a few of the friends I had been thinking about. While nothing was actually scheduled at this moment (and usually that’s how I roll…) I felt excited and not afraid about actually following through with any of the women I spoke with today.
It was kinda freeing. And I am thankful for the idea to just make it an experiment to take the edge off.