Wake up Failing

Sometimes I am awake before my alarm. And I feel good. But I think to my self “Nope. Close those eyes and squeeze every minute out of sleep.” Falling back to sleep, I awake to an alarm and then hit the snooze. Twice.

My thoughts then lead to irritation at myself for the time I have just wasted. And I think “I’ve failed already.” My plan to go to bed early and wake up early and spend a good chunk of deserved time with God are often choked out like the seeds sprouting up in the rocky soil.

In my mind, my day starts early with a good bit of time in worship, prayer and talking to God. Then maybe a shower before making the kids lunches and breakfast and then waking them up and helping them get ready.

But one thing I almost have to do before I get out of bed is go through my morning in my head. It helps me to keep focused. Often I have a mini panic attack if there are lots of things on my plate for the day. Running them through my mind helps me to organize them. Get a “head start” if you will.

Today’s breakfast is HoneyNut Cheerios. Already a “fail” in my book because I vowed to make nutritions/homemade breakfasts for my kids. But this week… the week before the last week of the month (March END already!)…and knowing my morning mental energy level… I am making my life easy and going for a happy medium with breakfast.

Another way I feel like I am failing is in my eating. Remember how people relieve their glory days with “back in the day I was a star ________ (insert glory day memory). ”  Well, my thought always goes back to those 10 weeks of clean eating right before the holidays. I thought I was doing myself a mental “solid” (imaginary fist bump with self) by giving myself some breathing room during the holidays. I was going to allow myself to have a few of the things I had been boycotting for my health. But I took a little “dip in the pool of forbidden food” and totally drowned. Even with floaties.

Well, at least I can check of “write something” from my to-do list.


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