As I ate pizza and watched Thor: Ragnarok with my family a few family date nights ago, my mind drifted to the FB messenger conversation I had earlier that day with an old friend. One whom I have not really had contact with for several years. What had she been up to for the past 10? For starters, living in another country with her family. No doubt doing something missions minded and “Jesus like”.
My friend is a sweet, kind, caring, Jesus loving person. One whom I would compare myself to and say “wow, I am NOT like her. She really loves God and does things for him and I struggle in that area.” (She’d probably laugh if she read this.) I actually have another friend whose life almost parallels hers. Same heart and missions mindset. My comparison of myself and this particular friend is the same. “Wow, I am NOT like her. She really loves God and does things for him and I struggle in that area.”
And in that next bite of pizza, I thought about how, first of all, I didn’t want to be eating that slice of pizza (actually there were 2 on my plate). Honestly, I really enjoy more of a Paleo/Whole 30 eating style. To me, pizza is the white flag of surrender. Or rather, it’s me “throwing in the towel.” It means I’ve given up on caring what goes in my body and how it will affect me. It means I don’t believe I have any fight left me for changing my eating habits. (I know what you’re thinking – “a little dramatic, don’t you think?”)
Stay with me here.
So although I was enjoying family date night, I started to feel a little depressed. I have settled in life for pizza- comfort food. And comparing myself to the life of those 2 particular friends made me think “what else have I settled for in the name of comfort?” Settled for out of fear. Fear of engaging with life – my life- to the fullest. Now, do NOT get me wrong. If you want to eat pizza and watch Thor (it was actually kinda funny) then go ahead. No judgment here.
What I learned from yesterday was that I do want to pursue healthy eating. I don’t want to feel like I’ve let myself down or thrown in the towel of life. And not just in eating, but what challenge has God called me to that I have turned away from out of fear? Fear of giving myself to others because then I wouldn’t have time to myself? Fear of being great in an area and “shining” for God because then I would have to get up the next day and be great again? (I hear another blog post forming in my head).
I thought “what if I was made for more?” What if I had something to offer the world like my missionary minded friends? My journey looks different from theirs because I am different. I get that. But the take away here is I want to make this life count. I only get one shot at this life. And my life- what I do with it- impacts my children and how they live theirs. And that is a lot of pressure when you think about it! But if I am holding on to Jesus and looking to Him for direction, I am gonna be ok. I can do this. Life is about the journey. It’s about failing and falling and getting back up. It’s about learning from yesterday. The good and the bad from it. It’s also about “nailed it” outcomes and “high fiving” others.
So each morning, one of my first thoughts is to pray and ask God for his guidance on the day. And often I feel in my spirit “You got this” because I know that if the day belongs to God- if I surrender my day to Him and trust Him for that day- then with Him all things are possible. So yes, let hope rise up in me today because “I got this!”
And that is what I learned from yesterday.